


Take Two

by Fishyz9



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 00:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17314646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishyz9/pseuds/Fishyz9
Summary: This fic is brought to you by: a break up, take two and the number three.





	Take Two

**Author's Note:**

> omg i love them so much help.

Take Two.

See, the thing about breakups is that afterwards? Literally everything reminds you of them. It’s even worse if you’re the one who got dumped. I got dumped. He was the dumpee. And it sucks.

Wiping the mist away from the medicine cabinet, I stare at the reflection and run my fingers through my damp hair. I understand why he did it, but despite this and for the first time in a long time I’m wondering if what’s staring back at me is enough.

I whip open the cabinet, reaching for the mouthwash and my hand hovers there when I spot the small white case still sitting there, completely forgotten about. Levi’s contacts. I don’t think I’d ever laughed so much in my life…

oOo

“This isn’t going to work.”

“Stop being defeatist, come on. You can totally do this.” I cheer him on, standing behind him as he stands in front of the bathroom mirror. “You do grosser stuff at work every day. This is nothing. This is an eyeball, _your_ eyeball.”

“That’s the thing though, it's _because_ it’s my eyeball that I can’t do it.” He frowns as he turns the small case over in his hands.

I come up behind him, my arms loosely wrapping around his waist and my chin resting on his shoulder. “But it’s such a pretty eyeball.”

He looks up into the mirror, at my reflection, a smile tugging at his lips. “Shut up,” he says shyly.

“You could see how pretty if you’d just _put your contacts in_.”

“But that’s one of the main issues here that I don’t get! Other than it just being, you know… _gross_ –”

I snort, unable to hide my amusement.

“There’s also the conundrum of how do I put these in if I can’t see? I need my glasses to see, but I can’t wear my glasses to put these in because they get in the way.”

“You know the answer to this. You’re a doctor.”

He almost pouts. “Kinesthesia,” he admits begrudgingly. “Muscle memory.”

“Exactly, Doctor Schmitt.  You don’t need to see to know where your eye is because your body already knows. Now quit making excuses.”

He takes a deep breath. “Ok, ok I can do this.”

“Atta boy,” I say, giving his butt an encouraging tap.

He takes the contact out of the small case, balancing it on the tip of his finger and bringing it up to his eye, his other hand gently pulling at his eyelid.

“I can do this, this is breeze, I can totally –” He turns his head away and makes a gagging noise. “I can’t do it. Oh my god it’s gross.”

“Ok maybe the mirror is putting you off. Try sitting.”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah maybe.”

He closes the toilet lid and sits. Takes a deep breath… “Ok, it’s just an eye, it’s not like it’s someone’s butt, or a bloody, gaping –” he gags again.

“You were nowhere near your eye that time!” I laugh.

He sits with his fist in front of his mouth, taking a deep breath. He shakes his head. “No, but talking about what I was picturing, I just…” he shivers.

“Oh my god, hand them over.” I hold my hand out.

“What? No.”

I laugh. “Just hand it over, Levi.” I make a _gimme_ motion with my hand and he clutches the contact case to his chest like they’re his pearls. “Are you serious right now?”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Levi…” I say carefully. “Give them to me.”

“No.” He says. His voice small and his eyes big as he watches me warily. “I don’t want anything near my eyes.”

“You can give them to me, or I can take them from you. Come on, handsome…”

He presses his lips together in an unhappy line, then hands them over. “Fine, but only because you called me handsome.”

I smirk, taking the case from him. “Alright, here we go…”

“ _Wait_ , are your hands clean?”

“No, I was just cleaning the toilet bowl with my toothbrush, that’s not a problem, is it?”

He blushes slightly. “Ok, no need to be sarcastic…”

“Just hold still!” I laugh, exasperated.

“Fine, fine.”

“Ok sir, tilt your head back for me.” I say in my best doctor’s voice, tilting his chin up to guide him, and then gently I lift his lid with my thumb. “You’re doing great…”

“I hate this.”

“It’ll be over in a second…”

“Nico…” He practically whines.

“Don’t bail on me now, you’re so close.”

He squeezes his eye shut at the last second and I let out a sigh, shaking my head and laughing helplessly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry but no. Not happening.”

“Don’t make me sit on you.”

His eyes fly open. “What?”

“Right…” I straddle his lap, trapping him. “Hold. Still.”

“Oh my _god_ you’re heavy!”

“ _Excuse_ you?” I say in mock offence.

His arms circle my waist despite his protests.  “I can’t breathe.” He gasps, more from laughter than anything else.

“I am not that heavy! You’re just…little.”

“Yeah, it’s all me.” He says sarcastically, his fingertips ghosting against my hips, under my sweater.

I freeze, my free hand automatically gripping one of his at my hip. I raise my eyebrow at him, trying to not grin as I give him a pointed look. “Don’t you dare.” I say quietly.

His smirk is devilish. “Oh that’s right; you hate being tickled, kind of like how I hate having stuff near my eyes. Life’s unfair like that, isn’t it, Nico?”

His fingers flutter against my hips and I jolt, squirming in his lap. I hate it I hate it I _hate_ it. “Levi Schmitt!” I finally half shout, half laugh. “Do you really want to be doing that while I’m trying to put a contact in your eye? Because it won’t deter me.”

He sighs, giving in and pulling the hem of my sweater back down. “Please make it quick.”

“It won’t hurt.”

“No I mean you’re _really_ heavy.”  He laughs.

“Hey, it’s _muscle_.”

He grins at me, and I can’t help but drop a quick kiss to his lips. “Now…hold. Still.”

He does his best, I can tell he’s really trying, but any time I get close he snaps his head away, eyes squeezing shut. “Nope!” He says finally. “Nope nope _nopety_ nope! Can’t do it!”

“That’s it,” I say, wrapping one arm around his neck, holding him in a careful headlock, completely stationery. “This is happening.”

“Nico! No, stop…oh my god you _suck_!” He laughs, tapping at my arm. “ _Stop stop stop_ …”

“Just think of it as a flu shot, it’ll be over in a second.”

“Nico _wait!_ If you stop I swear to god I will drag you into that bedroom and blow your mind–” He blinks in surprise when he’s suddenly free. “Did you just throw my contacts across the room?”

I lift one shoulder. “Meh, the rubber band thing is hella cute anyway.” I cup his jaw and pull him into a kiss which is intermittently punctuated with laughter.

oOo

“Nico,” Linc calls from my living room. “What happened, you fall in or something?”

I roll my eyes. He means well, dragging me out to football game in an attempt to cheer me up, but to be honest I’d much rather be sitting on my couch alone, watching Sleepless in Seattle with a box of tissues by my side. But there’s no way in hell I’m saying that out loud so football it is. I close the medicine cabinet, shaking away the memory and clutching the towel at my waist tightly as I leave the bathroom.

“Come on dude, get dressed, we’re going to be late.”

I synch the towel tighter and then stroll over to the refrigerator. I pull out two beers, tossing him one. “Here, knock this back while I get dressed.”

“Have I called this one wrong?” He asks. “How bad is this breakup on a scale of a couple beers at a football game to going with you to gay bars in a show of support and solidarity?”

That gets a small smile out of me, but I otherwise don’t answer, I don’t know how to. His raises his brows in genuine surprise and twists the cap off the beer.

“Oh man, this is serious.”

“No, I’m…I’m fine.”

“The last time you looked this forlorn was back in college when your mom called to tell you that the family dog had died.”

I was walking towards the bedroom but instead just give in and slump onto the sofa. I twist the top off my beer. “Great, thanks for making me think of Cooper at this exact moment.”

He snorts and sits at the other end of the sofa, taking a swig of his beer. “So you really liked this guy?”

I open my mouth to say something, but then close it and just nod my head with a small sigh. “Yeah,” I finally answer, also admitting to myself that it couldn’t hurt to talk this out with my best friend.  “I’m…I’m kind of crazy about him, actually.”

“Well this is new.” He says almost gently. “And it’s someone at the hospital?”

I look at him, nod, but also give him a very pointed look of _don’t ask any more question_.

“Ok, just tell me he’s not closeted or married or something like that. I mean, it’s not Karev or Webber or someone?”

I snort. “No, no not closeted, not married, just…complicated.”

He nods. “I see. And he’s the one that…ended things?”

I take another swig. “Yep.”

“Can I ask why?”

Because he’s overwhelmed by the enormity of what he needs to achieve this year. Because he thinks sooner rather than later we’ll get caught. Because he’s starting to make mistakes, he’s falling behind in his studying and he’s afraid of flunking out. Except I can’t say any of that because it would immediately tip Linc off that I’m mooning over an intern.

This doesn’t happen often to me –being dumped, that is– and if I’m honest, in the past it’s always been a case of a bruised ego quickly forgotten about after a few beers and after some flirting with someone new. This is different, though. This hurts. And what’s worse is that I didn’t even see it coming.

“Priorities.” I say simply, because I’ve replayed the conversation over in my head a thousand times and there really is no guilty party in this breakup…

oOo

When I make it to the on call room I find him pacing. “Hey, sorry I took so long, I got caught up…” I tug at his lab jacket. “Come here.”

I pull him into a kiss which immediately feels different somehow, almost one-sided. When I pull away, he won’t look at me. Not until I lift his chin.

“Hey, is everything alright? Did something happen?”

His eyes, utterly gorgeous and almost doe-like look so, so sad. I immediately feel a spike a dread, though I can’t quite pinpoint why.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Of course.”

He takes my hand, tugging my arm so that I sit beside him on the cot. I sit, and he holds my hand in both of his for a moment before he eventually looks up at me. With that one look I realise that he’s breaking things off and it feels like a punch to the gut. I feel winded.

“Oh,” I say involuntarily, my voice flat.

“What?”

“You’re ending this, aren’t you?”

He watches me, his voice quiet when finally he speaks. “I don’t want to, but…”

“But?”

He lets go of my hand, does that thing where he folds his together, entwining the fingers and then stretching them nervously. “I’ve completely lost sight of why I’m here.”

“That sounds rehearsed.”

“That’s because it is,” he says with a noticeable tremble in his voice. He looks at me, eyes glassy. “I’ve been trying to think of how to do this and…there’s no right way because I don’t _want_ to.”

“Then don’t.” I say simply, alarmed to hear a catch in my own voice.

“I’m screwing up, Nico.”

“No you’re not,” I reach for his hand. “We’re fine…”

He pulls his hand away, standing. “Not with us, Nico. With my _internship_.” He turns and paces a little, running a hand through his hair, a habit he’s subconsciously picked up from me.

“Several times I’ve been reprimanded for not having my head in the game. I’m behind with my studying. Webber asked me a question during rounds yesterday and I completely blanked. Not just fumbled, Nico, but _blanked_. I had no clue what the answer was.”

“That happens to everyone.”

He looks at me as if he’s trying to muster the courage to say what he needs to say next. “I was treating a patient with a stomach ulcer this morning, I gave them Cimetidine…”

“Ok, that’s standard…”

“I didn’t read their chart properly. They were diabetic…”

I instantly wince, and he nods his head. “Exactly. And what can Cimetidine do to a diabetic?”

I swallow hard, feeling for him. “It can increase the concentration of Metformin, a common medication used for diabetics.”

“I nearly put someone into a goddamn diabetic coma today, Nico.”

I stand. “Come here,” I reach out for him, wanting to pull him into a hug but he steps away from me.

“ _No_ , Nico. Don’t try and make me feel better about this, it… it was beyond irresponsible and it’s because I’ve forgotten why I’m here.”

“So you have a bad day and decide the solution is to breakup with me?”  I swallow hard. “It happens, Levi. It’s a learning hospital, mistakes are how we _learn_.”

“Mistakes are how we kill our patients!”  He practically yells. “And those aren’t my words, oh no. That’s Doctor Grey who royally handed me my ass this morning. I’m lucky I caught my mistake, I’m lucky that patient is ok despite my stupidity. Hell, I’m lucky to still be in the programme, Nico.”

I lower my head, hands on my hips as I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Look, I remember my internship, I know exactly how exhausted you are, I know exactly how much pressure you’re under…”

“Then you know that something has to give.”

“And that thing is me?”

“There’s…there’s literally nothing else I can sacrifice, _nothing_ ….” He says almost frantically, his hands bunching into fists. “Believe me I’ve looked at this from every angle.”

I take two steps forward, my hands resting either side of his neck. “Then we cut back a little on our time spent together–”

“We already do that.”

“Then I can help you study, and…”

He shakes his head, his hands touching my wrists, encouraging me to let go of him. “When I’m not with you I’m thinking about you. And it’s…it’s overwhelming. I can’t keep doing this and get through this internship. I can’t do both, it’s just not feasible. And let’s be honest we’re playing with fire here, Nico.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re a fellow, I’m an intern, there are rules in place that could totally screw both of our careers if we’re caught. And there’s been several close calls already, let’s be honest.”

“I…” I stutter, feeling as if the decision has been made without me and nothing I say will matter. It’s an empty feeling. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know, but I’ve worked too hard to get here, my _mother_ worked too hard to put me through college for me to stumble now.”

I swallow hard, and nod my head knowing that this is a lost battle.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, a tear streaking down his cheek which he quickly wipes away. “Please don’t hate me for this.”

That tear breaks me. “I could never –” my voice cracks as I pull him into a hug. “I couldn’t ever hate you, it’s not possible.”

He rests his cheek against my shoulder, his arms wrapping tightly around my middle and his hands clutching at the back of my lab coat. “I can’t believe I’m doing this, I can’t believe I’m actually…”

My hand strokes over the back of his head and my lips press against his temple. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere, so…when we’ve had some time for the sting to wear off a little we can try this again as friends. How’s that?”

He nods his head. “I’m sorry, Nico.” He says into my shoulder, sniffing. “You get that this was a really, really hard decision, right?”

“I know.”

“No,” he shakes his head, pulling away a fraction and gripping the front of my scrubs in his hands. Hazel eyes look up and meet my gaze. “It was the hardest. Nothing, no one has ever made me feel the way you do.”

My thumb traces the shape of his jaw. “Maybe at some point down the line we’ll get a take two.”

He gives me a sad smile. “Maybe.”

My thumb tips his chin up, I look at his mouth and then slowly dip my head press my lips to his in a simple kiss. “You take care of yourself, ok?”

He lets out an unhappy sound, looking away, his jaw clenching.

“Give it a little time and then…come say hi.”

He nods, but he’s unable to meet my gaze. I press my lips to his temple, squeeze his arm, and leave the room.

oOo

“So are we at a place where we’re cursing this dick out? Wishing him a lifetime of impotence and thinning hair?”

I give Linc a half-hearted smile. “Nah,” I swallow hard. “Love him too much for that.”

His face drops slightly at my words. “Aw hell, Nico.” He says softly, “I didn’t realise you…” he leans over and squeezes my shoulder. “I’m sorry, man.”

I take another swig of my beer. “Yeah, me too. But it’ll be ok.”

“Well screw the football game.” He says as he puts his beer down on the coffee table and leans forward to pull his phone out of his back pocket. “Gay bars it is.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Linc, no man. I’m not ready.”

“I can understand that,” he says, holding up one placating hand for a second before he goes back to tapping on his phone. “We don’t have to get you laid but some loud music and a bunch of dudes drooling over you might make you feel a little better.” He looks at me. “If nothing else it’s always cracked you up watching me awkwardly turn guys down.”

I grin at that, he has a point. Linc is the ultimate wing man. “Maybe.”

“Ok, we’ve got several choices here, but…” he looks down at himself. “I’m dressed for a football game, not a nightclub. Mind if I go through your closet?” He stands, starting towards my bedroom.

“Sure, leather chaps are at the back.” I call after him.

“Very funny.” He calls back.

I sit for a second, realising that my skin’s grown cold as I sit here in nothing but a towel still. I’m fortunate to have had a friend like Linc for as long as I have.

My next thought is of course of Levi. And how much I _miss_ him.

A knock at my front door startles me out of my thoughts and I hop up off the sofa, readjusting my towel.  “One second,” I call, with no earthly idea who it might be.

When I open the door all the air rushes out of me.

“Hi.” He says.

“Levi.”

He blinks rapidly for a second, glancing at my torso and back up. “I know it’s only been two days,” he says quietly, his throat bobbing. “But I just needed…I needed to say hi.”

“…Hi.” I say back, uselessly.

He offers me a hopeful smile. “H-how are you?”

It’s so good to see him, to hear his voice. I lean against the doorjamb and give him a sad smile. “Awful,” I admit with a small laugh.

His smile widens and he nods his head. “Me too.” He bounces on the balls of his feet slightly, clearly nervous. He bites his lip. “Is it grossly unfair that I’m here?”

I tilt my head to one side. “A little, but that’s ok.”

“Yeah?” He practically whispers.

I nod.

“Would it be ok if I–?”

“ _Nico_ ,” Linc calls from the bedroom, startling us both. “I’m borrowing some jeans too; I spilt beer on mine…and on the bed. Sorry about that.”

I roll my eyes, but when I look back at Levi all the colour has drained from his face. He’s looking past my shoulder to where Linc’s voice just came from. When he looks back at me he looks oddly wounded.

“Oh,” he whispers. He looks down at my bare torso and then sucks in a quick breath and quickly looks away. “Oh,” he repeats.

He digs his hands into his pockets and won’t meet my gaze. I swear I even see his chin tremble slightly. “Levi?”

“I am so stupid.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here, I’ll just…I’ll take off.”

He turns to leave and I grab his arm, anchoring him there. “What are you talking about? You just got here.”

“You have company.” He looks at my bare chest pointedly and then meets my eyes.

It dawns on me that he thinks I have another guy in my apartment. He thinks I’ve hooked up with someone else. I don’t know whether to be insulted by the assumption or relieved by how affected he is by the possibility.

“I shouldn’t have come; it was selfish of me.” He swallows hard, giving his arm a weak tug. “Please let me go.”

“Levi, no, it’s not that…”

“I am so embarrassed.” He whispers, his brows lifting sadly as he looks away from me. “Just let me get out of here. I can’t see you with…I just can’t ok?” He tugs his arm with a little more force, pulling away and stumbling back a step. He straightens his glasses.  “I’m really sorry, this is all on me. You…you get to be with whoever you like, it’s none of my business.” He shakes his head. “I won’t drop by again.”

“Are you seriously telling me you don’t recognise that obnoxious voice?” I say, pointing a thumb over my shoulder. “You’ve worked with it often enough.”

Big hazel eyes watch me in confusion. “What?”

“Who are you talking to?” Linc says behind me, pulling the door open wide. “Schmitt! What are you doing here?”

I look back at Levi with a raised eyebrow.

Levi’s brows rise up somewhere close to his hairline and he lets out a deep breath, “Oh! Doctor _Lincoln_.” He presses his palm to his brow for a second, letting out a small, breathy laugh. When he looks at me a flush quickly creeps up his neck. He glances back at Linc. “Um, hello.”

“What’s going on?” Linc looks between us with, frowning.

I clear my throat, throwing Levi a quick look. “I uh, I just realised. I totally promised Schmitt that I’d help him cram for his exam. I doubled booked you, man. Sorry.”

“Yes,” Levi nods. “I’m here to study.”

“I didn’t realise you guys hung out outside of work.”

“Aw, what’s up, Linc, you jealous?” I pat his shoulder.

He gives me a little shove. “Shut up.” He looks at Levi. “Blow off the studying, come out with us.”

I stand up straight. “Uh, no I don’t think it’s his scene.” I say uncomfortably.

Linc looks between us and lifts his eyebrow in question. “What, Schmitt doesn’t know you’re gay, or…?”

I roll my eyes at him. “No, I just mean–”

“Hey Schmitt,” he cuts across me and throws his arm over my shoulders. “Nico’s gay, and the poor guy just happens to be nursing a broken heart…”

Levi’s eyes snap up to meet mine, filled with remorse. I cringe.

“So I’m playing wingman and taking him out to a few gay bars, what do you say? Want to help me get this one laid?” He says, his head tilting towards me with no idea how profoundly he’s just embarrassed me.

Levi opens his mouth to say something, looking at me, but nothing comes out.

“Levi, come in.” I say quickly, wanting desperately to break the awkward moment. “Let me, uh…let me grab you a beer.”

I gently nudge Linc out of the way and hold the door open for Levi. He walks in, looking almost shell-shocked. I quickly grab another beer and hand it to him.

“Um, you know what; you two take a seat for a minute while I quickly go throw some clothes on. I’ll be back in a second.”

I walk into the bedroom, closing the door almost all the way too before practically slumping against the wall. Goddamn Linc. I go straight to the dresser to pull out some clothes, but keep a careful ear on the conversation going on in the other room.

“So you feel ready for your exam?” Linc asks, friendly as usual.

“Um, getting there. Just need to knuckle down a little more, you know?”

“Ah, well, Nico’s a good choice for a study buddy; we used to team up back in college.”

“You’ve known each other that long?”

“Longer, actually. We grew up on the same street.”

“Oh wow, you do go back.”

I hear Linc hum in agreement.

“Can I ask you something?” Levi asks quietly.

“Sure.”

“Y-you said something about Nico nursing a broken heart?”

 _Crap_. I get my ass into gear, pulling clothes, _any_ clothes out of the dresser and rushing to get dressed.

“Yeah,” Linc answers, his voice losing some of its jokey tone. “Poor guy, he’s been walking around like a zombie the past couple of days. Like…a really depressed zombie that needs a hug.”

“But he’s ok?”

“I mean… _yeah_ , I think so. Or he will be, anyway. I just don’t think he’s ever been hit this hard before.”

“What do you mean?”

I hop into my pants, rushing to the bedroom door.

“Well he’s never admitted to being in love with someone before, that’s new…”

I stop just short of the door, my eyes closing. I turn and lean against the wall, banging the back of my head against it softly. Goddammit, Linc.

“He…he said that?” Levi asks, sounding breathless.

“Yeah. I mean I should have known, now that I think about it. He’s been in such a good mood these past few months; I just didn’t catch onto why, I should have guessed he was smitten with someone. Although he won’t tell me who.”

“No?”

“Nah, apparently it’s complicated. I wish he would tell me though so I could knock the guy around some. I don’t care how crazy he says he is about him, Nico’s my main dude and he’s miserable.”

“I’m sure that whoever it is…they feel the same way he does.”

“They better. What the hell is taking him so long anyway? Hey Nico!” He calls.

I force myself to stand up straight, rubbing my hand across the back of my neck as I take a deep breath. When I stroll out of the bedroom I deliberately don’t look at either of them and head straight to the kitchen.

“I hope you guys have been playing nice?” I say as casually as possible as I pull a bottle of water out of the fridge.

“Dude, what the hell, you’re wearing sweats.”  Linc complains. “I know you’re pretty popular with the guys but you need to make a _little_ more effort, come on.”

“Yeah, about that, uh…” I scratch the side of my head, looking between them. I gesture at Levi with my bottle. “I’d be a total flake to bail on him now. His exam’s coming up in no time and I promised I’d help him cram.”

Linc sighs and slumps against the couch. “Cool, I guess we’re spending our night off studying. Yay.”

Levi and I both shoot each other a pained look.

“Go to the game,” I say quickly, and perhaps a touch too forceful. “It’s cool, honestly, you shouldn’t miss out. And hey, I think Deluca has the night off too, I’m pretty sure he’s a Seahawks fan.”

Linc looks between us. “You’re sure?”

“Totally, but thanks for coming over. We’ll do the bar hoping thing another time.”

He slaps his knees as he stands. Looks at himself and then laughs. “Now I’m overdressed for the game.” He shrugs. “Screw it, I’m stealing this outfit, I can’t be bothered to change again.”

“That’s fine, no worries.”

He pulls his phone out of his back pocket, frowning at it as he presumably swipes through his contacts. “You said Deluca’s not on shift?”

“I’m pretty sure, yeah.”

He walks to the front door and then looks up. “Alright then, bring it in.” He holds his arm out and pulls me into a bro hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And chin up, hear me? Whoever the guy is, it’s his loss.”

Just when I thought I was all out of cringe.

He looks over my shoulder, at Levi. “Good luck with the studying, Schmitt, see you at work.”

“Yeah, thanks. ‘Night.”

I close the door as soon as he’s gone and just stand there like an idiot, gripping the water botte in both hands and oddly afraid of turning around to face Levi.

“Hey,” Levi says softly, and I can tell he’s moved to stand just behind me. He tugs at the hem of my t-shirt twice. “Knock, knock.”

I turn around, facing him. I know that he knows I know he knows. And there’s nothing I can possibly say to save face. I am exposed bare and it sucks. Without saying a word he takes the bottle of water out of my hands, placing it on the nearby counter.

His fingertips pluck at the front of my t-shirt tentatively. “Nico,” he says, almost carefully. “I...um.” He meets my eyes, holding my gaze until finally he just lets out a small breath and shakes his head. His hands travel up the length of my chest, resting either side of my neck and pull gently until his lips are against mine.

He’s in complete control of this kiss and I’m pretty much helpless to stop it. It’s so familiar, so perfect. I love the feel of his lips, his scruff; I love the taste of him, the scent of him. My hands eventually touch at his waist, unsure at first, soon altering from gentle to firm as I walk him backwards until his back hits the refrigerator, making it shake slightly, magnets falling to the floor.

It’s only when I feel his hands attempting to lift up my t-shirt that I frown and with an almighty effort break the kiss, my hands covering his to stop him from undressing me. I rest my brow against his, my eyes closed. “This isn’t fair.” I say when I have my breath back.

I still can’t bring myself to open my eyes but I brush his cheek. “I don’t know what you want. And I can’t keep going back and forth, Levi, it’s too hard–”

“You. I want you.”

I look at him. “What’s changed?”

He frowns sadly, his hands trailing up my arms to rest on my biceps. “Nothing, absolutely nothing. I’m still utterly stuck on you. I’m still thinking about you every second of the day, I’m still missing you like I’ve had a limb taken from me.”

I watch him steadily. “And you’re still worried about work. Levi…I can’t go through this again a few weeks down the line. It was too hard to let you go the first time.”

“I don’t want you to let me go. I don’t want to be broken up anymore.” He bites his lip, his hand reaching to grip my wrist as he stretches his neck forwards to press his lips to mine. “Please can we just be boyfriends again?” He whispers. “ _Please_?”

“You’re killing me here.”

“I made a mistake. I thought it was the right choice, the sensible choice–”

“It was.”

“It _wasn’t_.” He says firmly. “All I achieved by ending things between us was to make myself miserable. Sure, I had a fraction more time to myself but suddenly nothing mattered. Not the job, not any of the hard work, none of it if I don’t get to share it with you at the end of the day.”

I let out a harsh breath, clench my jaw. “Levi…”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same way.”

“You know I do.”

He presses his body against mine, brushing his nose against mine. “Then what is stopping you from taking me into your bedroom and making love to me right now?”

I groan, but somehow manage to put a few inches of space between us. “The memory of what a last kiss with you feels like. That’s what.”

His hands press against my chest, he forces me to look at him. “I will kiss you every day for the rest of my life if you let me. Nico, I can’t…I can’t imagine ever feeling this way about anything or anyone else. If you take yourself away from me then you’re taking _everything_.” His hand touches my cheek. “You’re everything, I’m just sorry I had to stress the crap out of us both before I realised it.”

I let out a small laugh; touch my brow to his again for a moment before pressing my lips to his in a simple sweet kiss. “Every day?”

He swallows hard, relief, and something akin to joy in his eyes. “At least one kiss, every day if I can help it.” He promises.

I look him in the eye, and then give him the smallest of nods. A smile like pure sunshine splits across his face, but my hand laid gently across his throat stops him from rushing forwards to press his lips against mine. “Get your diary.”

“My diary?”

“In your backpack, grab it.”

He blinks at the sudden about face but doesn’t question me again. I follow him to the sofa where he dropped his backpack previously, and sit, waiting patiently as he pulls out his black diary and a pen.

“This is a rough year, and I won’t have you pushed to breaking point again so let’s get organised.”

Something in his eyes softens when he realises I’m talking about his work and studying schedule.

“How about we try and schedule in some date nights, but with wiggle room if these need to change at the drop of a hat. Something away from the hospital, something normal. Something that’s going to let you relax for one night.”

“I’d really like that,” he says, sounding almost choked up with relief at the idea.

“But here’s the catch,” I continue. “For every one date night we have a minimum of three study sessions between. That’s no distractions, just you, me and the que cards, working those textbooks until you know them inside and out.”

“You’d do that with me?”

I look at him. “Levi, you are a. Good. Doctor.”

He swallows hard, adjusting his glances slightly.

“You’ve had your setbacks, now this is going to be you coming back swinging, you hear me?”

“Thank you.” He says sincerely. “I really needed to hear that.”

“Everyone does during their internship; you’re no less of a total brainbox for needing to hear it, I promise you. God, if you only _knew_ how many pep talks Linc had to give me during my internship.”

He laughs softly at that.

“And another thing, if we go a stretch where we don’t get to see each other, where our schedules completely clash, absolutely no fretting is allowed, understand? If we’re together, then that’s it, we’re together. I’m going to be just as stressed and busy as you this year, but I promise not to let any doubts creep into my mind if we get stuck in a dry spell. Promise me the same thing?”

He smiles at me, drags his finger across his chest in an X. “Cross my heart,” he says quietly.

“Perfect. Ok, do you have your next shift pattern already?”

“Yes,” he nods, flicking through to the current pages of his calendar.

“I’ll go grab mine and we’ll plug in these study sessions. If we can’t fit them in here or anywhere at the hospital then hit up another intern on the same rota as you. They may grumble at first but trust me; they’ll come to appreciate it.”

We go through our respective diaries until we have the next two weeks planned out and somewhat synchronised.

“How are you feeling about all of this?”

“A hell of a lot more positive than I was a few days ago, I promise you.” He says with a relaxed smile.

“Perfect.” I say with a deep exhale, letting my planner slap against the coffee table as I slouch against the sofa.

“You know, this is technically our date night.”

I lift an eyebrow at him. “You want to go out _now_?”

He shakes his head, stands, reaches for my hand and pulls me up, off the sofa. He pulls that hand behind him in both of his as he walks towards my bedroom. He turns and pushes the door open with his back.

I smirk at him. “Admit the truth, you just missed the sex.”

“Of course I did.”

My hands go to his waist and I dip my head to press my lips against his neck as we walk slowly back towards the bed. “And here I thought you just couldn’t live without me.”

He pushes my t-shirt up, over my head. “I miss the sex, I miss this body…” his hands trail over my chest, over my stomach which caves slightly under his touch. His fingers rest just under the hem of my waistband and he looks up and lifts his chin to press his lips to mine. “I miss your smell,” he says between kisses. “Your voice.” Another kiss. “The heat of your skin against mine…”

At that prompt I make quick work of his shirt, accidentally ripping off a few buttons.

“I miss how warm and sleepy you are in the mornings, and how hungry you are for me at night.” He bites his lip. “So male, so strong… _god_ ,” he says almost breathlessly. “It’s all I can do not to start begging half the time…”

“Maybe I want to hear you beg.” I push him down on the bed. He willingly lifts his hips when I grab greedily at the snaps of his jeans and pull off his pants and everything else along with them. I stand there a second, head tilted slightly to one side, admiring his naked body while I lazily pull at the drawstring of my sweats.

He leans back on his elbows, those killer eyes laser-focused and blown wide with arousal trained on me, on my hands as the push down the sweats, stepping out of them. He swallows hard. “I’d give you anything you want,” he says, quickly wetting his lower lip as I crawl over him. He lays back, his hands trailing along my sides. “Anything for you to put your hands on me like I’m yours. Make me feel like I’m yours again…?”

I take his mouth in a deep kiss only for him to gasp when I abruptly end it, my hand on his opposite shoulder turning him, encouraging him to roll onto his stomach. “You were always mine,” I murmur into the shell of his ear. “The second I saw you…” I press my lips along the back of his neck and his eyes fall closed. “It was just a countdown until I could have you beneath me like this.”

His shoulders hunch and he clutches at the pillow beneath him as my lips trail down between his shoulder blades. “Draw.” I practically order.

He quickly shoves the pillow aside as reaches for the draw, scrambling for lube and a condom. He sets the lube down on the mattress but his hand goes back to the draw, stretching further as he feels inside. “Nico…”

I look up from where I’m lazily trailing my lips against the crook of his neck and immediately feel my stomach drop when he practically yanks the draw off its hinges. 

“There’s nothing in there.”

I squeeze my eyes shut with a frustrated groan, slumping against him and my brow pressing to the back of his shoulder, furious with myself. “Oh my god.”

“Please tell me you have condoms somewhere in this apartment.”

I simply shake my head no against his shoulder and he collapses against the mattress with a whimper. “How could you run out?”

“Hey,” I say somewhat defensively, resting my chin against his back as I speak. “I got dumped two days ago, remember? I wasn’t in a rush to replenish.”

“I could cry. I could actually cry.”

“Join the club.” I mumble glumly before letting out a huff. “Forget it, come here…” I say, encouraging him to roll onto his back and then laying over him, my hands bracketing his head. “We can do other stuff.”

He turns his head away with a frustrated sigh when I lean down to kiss him.

“Are you kidding me?” I half laugh.

“No, sorry I…” he sighs again. “It’s been a rough two days…”

“You’re not the only one who’s a little hard up,” I chuckle.

He shakes his head, looking up at me from under those lashes. “No, I mean…” his finger traces an unknown shape against my chest and he tilts his head against the mattress slightly. “I’ve spent the past two days mourning the fact that we were over. That I’d never kiss you again…” he lays that hand, along with his other flat against my chest, sliding up to follow the shape of my shoulders. “That I’d never touch you again...never make love with you again…”

I swallow hard, trying to not shiver when his hands slide back down, over my chest again.

“And tonight was just…” he sighs, shakes his head. “A relief, like coming up for air when I realised that it wasn’t true and I just…” he clenches he jaw and I’m taken aback to realise that there’s actually tears of frustration forming in his eyes. His hands reach up and pull me down by the neck, he kisses me hard.

The kiss is short and he keeps his eyes closed tight, his hand at the back of my neck anchoring me there.

“I just really need to feel you, Nico.” He whispers, then looks at me. “I need you inside of me.”

I close my eyes and stifle a groan. He lifts his head from the mattress and brushes his lips against mine, but I can’t open my eyes yet. “You’re killing me, Levi…”

“Please, Nico…” He whispers. “Please…”

“Are you suggesting…?” I trail off, looking him in the eye.

He bites his lip and lifts one shoulder in a tentative shrug. “You said you’d always been careful…”

“Tested every six months since I was eighteen...” I shake my head slightly, “but that doesn’t make this sensible. We’re doctors; we’re supposed to know better.”

“Exactly, we _do_ know better. You’ve always tested negative, and you’re the only guy I’ve ever been with…”

“Gender doesn’t matter. Who was the last person you were with before me?”

He winces. “Jo Karev.”

“Who is married to Alex Karev. Who once had syphilis if the rumours are true.”

“I asked her about that, and then got tested afterwards anyway, everything came back fine. Though I appreciate I’m not making a great argument here.” He admits with a small grin.

I can’t help a small smile and kiss the tip of his nose. “I don’t think you have syphilis, Levi.”

He snorts and smirks up at me. “Thanks, honey.”

I resettle myself against him comfortably, propped up on one elbow beside him so I can drag my fingers gently against the scruff of his jaw. “Ok, if we’re considering this…who was before Jo Karev.”

He blinks in surprise, quickly wets his lips. “Uh, a girl from college. Rebecca. Super nice person, she’d never been with anyone else.”

I nod. “Ok, and before Rebecca?”

He clears his throat, a blush creeping up his neck as he averts his eyes and instead focuses on where his finger traces a vein in my bicep. “And…and that’s it.” He says quietly.

I instantly soften. “Really?” I ask carefully, not wanting to insult him.

When his eyes meet mine his blush intensifies, actually reaching his cheeks. He simply lifts one shoulder in a shrug, but otherwise doesn’t say anything.

“Levi…”I say softly, my thumb and forefinger gently tilting his chin up so I can press a sweet kiss to his lips. “How someone so stunning can be so overlooked is beyond me.”

He lets out a small, disbelieving breath, offering me an appreciative but otherwise forced smile as he looks away.

“Hey,” my thumb under his chin forces his eyes to meet mine again. “I may have more experience but you’re hands down the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. And I’m _not_ just saying that.”

He watches me, a small –this time _genuine_ – smile touching his lips. “Shut up…”

“I’m serious. Hell, our first time? I was actually nervous.”  I say with a small laugh, then shake my head. “That doesn’t happen to me.” My hand trails down his throat. “It’s a crime that someone so goddamn beautiful went so untouched…”

His throat bobs and he stretches his neck to kiss me and hooks his arm underneath mine, pulling me back over him. “Then touch me,” he breathes against my lips. “Please touch me, everywhere…”

At this point I’m so pent up after all this talk and after an onslaught of sweet, bashful Levi followed by hard, desperate Levi…I’m afraid I might actually hurt him.

“God,” I say through clenched teeth, taking his mouth hungrily.

We’re oddly clumsy, hands trembling ever so slightly, nails scraping down my back a little too hard to not leave a mark, and my prep for him basic at best. When it comes to it, when I’m settled between his thighs, waiting to push forwards I need that final nod from him, his permission before we carry on.

When I get it, when I’m inside of him, I don’t even realise that my eyes are closed tight until his hand touches my face.

“You ok?”

I nod my head. “Yeah,” I rasp. “Just…didn’t expect this to feel so good.”

“Move,” he whispers, lifting his hips. “Please…”

As soon as I do I Iet out a low groan. “My _god_...”

“Good?” He asks breathlessly.

I can’t help the disbelieving laugh that leaves my lips and can only nod my head. “ _So_ good…”

I look into his eyes, and just the knowledge that I’m bare inside of him, nothing between us is enough to push me dangerously close to that edge. I know for a fact that this is going to be short, so the best I can do is try and take him along with me. I arch my back just the right way to hit what I need to inside of him. His breath instantly hitches, his thighs trembling against my waist and his hands suddenly desperate as they clutch at me.

The sounds he’s making are only bringing my orgasm closer and closer so instead of easing off, teasing him and then bringing him back to the edge like I usually would, I’m flat out relentless. I hit him exactly where he needs it each time, each thrust, not giving him a single moment to escape this building ecstasy.

“Nico, _god_ …”

I cup the side of his neck and press my brow to his opposite temple, murmuring into his ear as I continue to push into him, harder. “Good?” I mimic his words.

He can only pant; his eyes closed and mouth slack as his hand grips my wrist.

“You like feeling me like this, Levi?” I growl into his ear.

A shudder wracks through his body. “ _Y-yes_ …so good, Nic-Nico, I can’t…”

“There’s no going back from this, this is how I’m having you, every…” I thrust hard, “ _time_ …”

He cries out, clutching me close and burying his face against my shoulder as his body falls apart beneath me. His entire body shudders against me and it’s only when I know he’s entirely spent that I let myself completely tumble over along with him.

We lay that way, a hot mess and almost in shock over how goddamn intense, how _good_ it was that it takes a while for either of us to move. When I do have the energy to move, I press a kiss to his cheek, earning me a soft hum and then move my hand down to grip the base of the condom before pulling out of–

And that’s when I realise that I’d totally forgotten. Forgotten in the heat of the moment that I wasn’t wearing a condom, forgot to pull out before I came.

“Levi…” I begin, feeling like a jerk. “Baby,” I murmur against his cheek again, pressing another kiss there to get him to open his eyes. He’s so sleepy, so flushed and satisfied that I almost don’t want to say anything. “I...I meant to pull out, I’m sorry I–”

He shushes me, his hands pulling me closer, his kiss is soft and heartfelt. “It was perfect. It was exactly what I wanted. You gave me just what I needed,” he looks at me seductively. “You always do.”

“You’re…ok?”

He stretches beneath me like a cat laying in the sunshine, and I gently pull out of him.

“I think this is the best I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I need a _shower_ …” he says will a small smirk and I smile in relief. “But my _god_ , Nico…” he laughs softly, his hand reaching to run through his hair. “I think that earns you official stud status. Holy cow…”

“ _Holy cow_?” I chuckle, and me pushes at my shoulder playfully.

“Shut up, you.”

“You really know how to inflate a guy’s ego, amongst other things…” I trail off with a laugh which pulls a louder laugh from him. I love it when he’s smiley and playful after sex, almost as much as when he’s snuffly and warm and sleepy in the mornings.

“Come on,” I press a final kiss to his lips and sit up. “Let’s hop in the shower.”

“May not be ideal for me to hop right now, but ok…”

I snort. “Stay there and I’ll get the water running.”

We shower. It’s warm and steam fills the room. We kiss lazily and our grins are ones of pure satisfaction. Playful laughter filters through the room. When we climb into bed I pull him into my arms and he slots right in, like a puzzle piece made for my body. He curls around me, and I can feel how content and cosy, how perfectly at home he feels laying in my bed, under my sheets, in my arms.

“Nico…” he murmurs.  

“Hmm?”

“I feel like three is a good number, I’m going to stop there, ok?”

It takes me second to realise what he means. Rebecca was one, Jo was two and I make three.

“I’m stopping at three; so we’re never breaking up again, alright?” He asks quietly.

“’Cuz I’m a stud?” I ask playfully.

I can tell he’s smiling. “Because I love you too, and yes, because you’re a total stud.”

I try not to sound as affected as I feel by his words, but his hand squeezing my forearm tells me he knows. “Ok then” I whisper, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Three.” I say in agreement.

“Take two and stopping at three.” He murmurs back, just before drifting off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
